Reflections by Rev. Joanne Anquist

On September 17th my Dad celebrated his 94th birthday.  That’s old!  He and my mother still live in the home they’ve shared since 1970.  I must confess there are times I wish they were in a senior’s residence so someone could keep an eye on them, but that is not what they want, so we stand by trusting all will be well.  Personal agency is important at any age, and we try to respect that.  

My sister arranged an impromptu birthday cake celebration and those of my siblings who could were able to share in this joy.  One of my siblings wrote in a card about how wonderful my Dad is: kind, patient, loving, great Dad, man of faith etc.  He stopped in the middle of reading it and said, a little embarrassed, “This is too much!”  To which I replied, when you get to be 94, most of the edges have been knocked off and you’ve managed to actually become all those things that we celebrate.  (In theological terms, that’s called Sanctification – the road to becoming more like Jesus.)

This is the blessing of aging – the rough edges are knocked off.  It’s not an easy process, because it usually comes with loss or failure.  I’ve noticed it in my own life.  The older I get, the more struggles I’ve faced, the more I’m humbled at my inadequacies, the easier it is to not get worked up about things!  Aging has a way of bringing perspective – this too shall pass.  

Joys and successes also have a way of knocking off edges.  The more you succeed, the more you love and are loved, the more people you welcome into your life, the easier it gets to just live and let live.  With age you realize that almost every time you’ve worried about something, it has worked out – maybe not the way you’d hoped, but life goes on.  The more you fill your life with love and joy, the less important is the pettiness of “me” and “mine.”  Perspective, Joy and Love knock off the edges so that life can be lived wholeheartedly.

I have run across a few people who have not mellowed with age – who hang onto to every slight, and see trouble around every corner.  I pray that life and God would give them some peace.  You don’t have to fight every battle.  Not every cause is yours to champion.  You don’t have to get in the middle of every disagreement.  As my ministry supervisor said to me about becoming a minister: “Choose very carefully the hills upon which you are prepared to die.”  That was the best advice for this vocation of mine which has found it’s way into my personal life as well.  Choose very carefully the hills on which you are prepared to die, because without a doubt, the struggle is going to knock some edges off!

I sometimes miss the passion of my youth – when I could really get worked up about things – when I had the energy to try to make a change and the tunnel vision to see it through!  What was it George Bernard Shaw said:  “Youth is the most beautiful thing in this world—and what a pity that it has to be wasted on children!”

I often find myself looking back on my life, wishing I had the wisdom of age in the time of my youth.  How different my life would be!  If I could have approached love and career and family with some of the edges knocked off, I would have had an easier ride!

But this is why we need each other.  Ideally, as we age, we can mentor young people – give them the benefit of our experience.  Hopefully, young people will learn from our mistakes, and find new, more just ways to shape our society for the better of all.  And when the young come to us for support in their endeavours, I trust we will embrace their vision and release our own ways. 

So whatever your age – go forth and knock some edges off!  And in the process, may love and joy surround you!

A blessing that reminds me of my Dad who taught me that the world is changed one heart at a time:  

If there is righteousness in the heart,
there will be beauty in the character.
If there is beauty in the character,
there will be harmony in the home.
If there is harmony in the home,
there will be order in the nation.
If there is order in the nation,
there will be peace in the world.
So let it be.

(Scottish Blessing)